


In Which Kabuto is Straight

by fuckgoose



Series: Snakesverse [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Nonbinary Character, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Haruno Sakura, Trans Male Character, Trans Uzumaki Naruto, Trans Yakushi Kabuto, i dont really mention their specific identities but its true, i wrote this because i thought itd be fun and it was, naruto and kabuto are the nb characters btw, stupid gay shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2021-01-23 21:53:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21327256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuckgoose/pseuds/fuckgoose
Summary: While out shopping, Naruto notices something. He goes to Sakura and Sasuke with his discovery, and they set out to find the truth. Armed with Sasuke's camera, Sakura's notepad, and Naruto's quick mind, they're sure to succeed.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura & Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto, Yakushi Kabuto & Dai-nana-han | Team 7, Yakushi Kabuto & Sarutobi Asuma, Yakushi Kabuto/Sarutobi Asuma, sorta
Series: Snakesverse [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1537504
Comments: 1
Kudos: 18





	In Which Kabuto is Straight

**Author's Note:**

> hi this is kinda silly and goofy but thats cause its supposed to be!! hope people like it. uhhh... this is set in the same universe as a lot like snakes. please comment! tell me your favorite part! tell me what other shit you think these three would get up to! i dont care! dont say transphobic shit though.

Kabuto sighed. He hated shopping. But here he was, wandering through the shinobi supply store. He needed new clothes. His team had been a handful recently, and he needed new clothes. The prices here were so high, though... That was the price for durable and comfortable clothes, he supposed. As he went through the store, he kept an eye out for any sales. Already found were a few shirts in clearance, half0off shoe insoles, and a buy one get one twenty-five percent off deal on pants. He stopped when he noticed a rack of sports bras with a sign that said "Two for the price of one!"   
"Hnn... Not bad," he mumbled as he considered the sale before putting four into his basket, hesitating, then putting two more in. He stilled when he heard a loud voice from next to him.   
"OH! KABUTO-SENSEI!"   
Kabuto sighed. Of course Naruto would be here.   
"Hello, Naruto."   
"Why are you here?" he asked, because he found it somewhat odd to see him having a life outside of being a teacher. And also...  
"Because... I need to shop?" Kabuto said in confusion. "Ah!" He added. "You're getting sports bras too? Pretty sweet deal, yeah?"  
Naruto froze, sputtering out a rush of words that sounded a bit like "Sakura" and "money."   
Kabuto raised an eyebrow. "Well, if you-"  
"BYE KABUTO-SENSEI I FORGOT MY WALLET AT HOME I WILL GO GET IT NOW!" the blond boy cut him off before running away.   
Kabuto furrowed his brows. "But... in your bag," he started, but Naruto had already run off. He shrugged. Kids sure were strange. Shame he didn't get to tell him about the coupon he could've added on, though.   
  
"What is it, Naruto?" Sakura asked suspiciously. "Is it an actual emergency this time, or did you find another weird bug? Because if it's the latter, you should check if it's a potato chip this time."  
"Hey, it looked a lot like a bug! And no, it's not that!"  
Sasuke scowled. "Are you breathing?"  
Naruto looked at him, confused. "Yes?"  
"Is your heart beating?" he asked.   
"Yeah...?" Naruto said, concerned.   
"Are you in any way hurt?" Sasuke said.   
"No."  
"Then you're fine," he finished.   
"KABUTO-SENSEI HAS A GIRLFRIEND!" Naruto yelled at him.   
  
"Hmmm... I see. So you think he was buying sports bras for a girlfriend?" Sakura asked.   
"Well, that's the only explanation that makes sense, ya know?" Naruto said, sprawled across his bed.   
"He could've been buying them for a friend," Sakura suggested from his rug, then taking a bite of her protein bar.   
"What friends?" Sasuke pointed out as he looked through Naruto's kitchen cabinets. "He's never mentioned any friends, and he'd have no reason to hide them from us."  
"Yeah!" Naruto agreed. "But a girlfriend! That, that he'd hide!"   
Sakura rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "Well... I guess... But we don't have any definite proof yet."  
"How would we even get solid proof?" Sasuke said pointedly.   
"Well, stupid Sasuke, we'd obviously do what ninjas do: collect information through surveillance." She raised her eyebrows. "We _are _ninja, aren't we?"  
"We sure are!" Naruto jumped up. "Let's go!"  
  
"I don't see why I needed to wear different clothes," Naruto pouted.   
"Because that bright orange jumpsuit sticks out like a sore thumb," Sasuke said.   
Naruto pointed his chin up indignantly. "Whatever."   
Sakura sighed. "Well, anyway. Sasuke, can you see specific chakra signatures with your sharingan?"  
Sasuke nodded proudly. "It's kind of hard to tell who it specifically is unless they're actively using chakra or have a very unique signature. I spend a lot of time around Kabuto-sensei though, so I might be able to pick out his."  
"How far is your range?" Sakura asked.   
"Oh... Not very far. If I was close enough to sense him we'd be able to see him anyway," he said, wilting a little.  
"Well, you'll get better soon enough. But you know what this means, right?" Sakura said.   
Sasuke let out a slow breath. "Yeah..." he said through gritted teeth, "We have to go see Neji."   
"Don't be mean, guys!" Naruto said. "Neji's nice!"   
Sasuke just mumbled a "Yeah, whatever," and Sakura just let out a small 'hmm.'  
  
"Hey, Neji!" Naruto grinned. "It's good to see you!"  
"Ah, yes, you as well," Neji nodded.   
"May I come in?" Naruto asked.   
"Of course," the other boy replied.   
"Oh, and Sakura and Sasuke are here too," Naruto added.   
Neji pursed his lips for a moment. "Of course they are. Come in, come in," he waved them inside, glaring at Sasuke as he passed.   
Once they were sitting down outside, Naruto spoke again. "So, Neji, I really do hate to ask, but the thing is, you're our only op-"  
"We need a favor," Sakura cut in. "We need to find Kabuto-sensei, and we were hoping you could use the byakugan to help us."  
"I see," Neji replied. "Well, even though my range has improved, it would still take quite a while to find him."  
"Ah, okay..." Naruto said, disappointed.   
"But." Naruto perked up. "I do know someone who could help you."   
"Awesome!" Naruto cheered.   
  
"This is Tokuma," Neji said. "He has the best range in the clan. He should be able to help you find Kabuto easily."  
"Thank you for helping us, Tokuma-san," Sakura said, being much more polite than the other two.   
"No problem," he replied. "Why do you need to find this guy?"   
"Ah, we just need to find something out," she responded quickly.   
"Alright," he said slowly. He turned to Neji. "So, who's this dude again? Yakushi Kaito?"  
"Kabuto," Neji corrected.  
"Oh, right. Light hair, round glasses, seems to change his personality every week?" Tokuma glanced at the other three genin. "Uh, I mean- sorry."   
Sasuke shrugged. "No, that's accurate."   
"Mmm. So, Neji, remind me, what's his chakra like?" Tokuma said.  
"Earth affinity, a sort of silvery purple, kind of smooth and calming, but also unsettling. It's... Hm. It's very... fluid, I guess, for earth affinity," Neji explained.  
"Ah, that's probably because he has two affinities- water's his other," Sasuke added.   
"Alright," Tokuma said, activated his byakugan. The veins near his temple swelled, and pupils became a bit more apparent in his eyes. He moved his head slightly to account for his blind spot, before he stopped.   
He deactivated the byakugan. "He's in the drug store closest to the hokage tower."   
"Thanks Tokuma-san! Thanks, Neji! I'll see you later!" Naruto cheered, already sprinting away. Sakura and Sasuke shrugged apologetically, and then took off after him.   
  
Settled into their position on the roof, the three stared at their teacher through the windows, Sakura sitting ready with her notepad and Sasuke with his camera.   
"This is boring," Naruto groaned.   
"Oh- wait- he grabbed something off the shelf!" Sakura exclaimed. "Sasuke, can you tell what it is?"  
Sasuke squinted. "Can't read what it says, but its a box of pills."  
"What color is it?" she asked.   
"Um... purple, with yellow and white text."  
"Hmm... Does it have a gradient on the background?"  
"Yeah," Sasuke said.   
"It's extra strength tylenol," Sakura determined, scribbling it down in her notepad.   
"Wow," Naruto said. "That was really impressive."  
"Thanks," Sasuke smirks.   
"Well, that too, but I was talking about how Sakura could recognize a medicine by the packaging," Naruto clarified.   
Sakura smiled proudly. "I go into drug store aisles sometimes to read the ingredients of everything."  
"For fun?" Sasuke asked.   
"Yep!" she grins. "Oh, he's checking out!"  
They watched intently as Kabuto slid the tylenol across the counter, and then grabbed two other things from his bag, a box and a smaller orange and black object.   
"What's that?" Naruto asked excitedly.   
"A lighter and a box of... oh!" Sasuke's face broke out in another smirk.   
"Eh?" Sakura said.   
"A box of tampons! Those've got to be for his girlfriend!" Sasuke announced triumphantly. He snapped a picture with the camera.   
Sakura just made a 'hmph.' "Until I see him with someone that could be his girlfriend, I'm not jumping to conclusions." Nevertheless, she wrote it in her notepad.   
"We just gotta keep following him!" Naruto pressed. "Look, he's leaving now! Let's go!"   
  
They followed him around a while. He mainly did boring errands, and they'd occasionally played games with each other when it got too stagnant, but then they followed him to his house, where he had apparently changed into a pair of dark jeans, a light orange button-up, a leather jacket, and dress shoes.   
Sasuke snapped a picture. "He's dressed up- he's going on a date."  
"Maybe..." Sakura said hesitantly, starting to give in.   
Then they followed him to a restaurant- not particularly fancy, but not cheap. Luckily for the three watchers, he got a table outside despite the small chill in the air.   
"Ooo!!" Naruto said. "He's got a table with two seats! He might be meeting her here!"  
"I was thinking the same thing," Sasuke agreed.   
Sakura hummed, still not completely convinved.   
Minutes passed. No one appeared. Kabuto didn't order anything.   
"If he does have a girlfriend, she's pretty flaky," Sakura comments.   
"A flaky girlfriend is still a girlfriend," Naruto points out.   
"I guess...." Sakura shrugs.   
Another ten minutes passed by. They played a few more games. And then finally, she showed up.   
At Sakura's suddenly upright position and excited pointing, the boys turned their heads back towards their teacher. A tall woman with black hair tied in a short ponytail had sat down at the table. She wore a long gray coat that ended just above her knees and a maroon scarf wrapped loosely around her neck. The three kids watched intently as Kabuto and the stranger ordered.   
"Holy fuck," Sakura said.   
"Language," Sasuke scolded distractedly, taking another picture.   
"We told you!" Naruto cheered.   
"Well... It could just be a friend..." Sakura pointed out. "But... it looks like you guys might be right. It seems really likely that's his girlfriend."  
"Look! He's taking something out of his pocket!" Naruto gasped. "MAYBE HE'S PROPOSING!"  
"Oh shit!" Sakura said as she scribbled something down, and Sasuke didn't bother to scold her. "Sasuke, get ready to take a picture!"   
"Already on it," he said. As Kabuto retrieved the object from his pocket and presented it to other person, he clicks the button, capturing the moment in time. "He's lucky we're here. Without us he wouldn't have a picture of his propo- oh..."  
"What!? Do you think she said no?" Naruto worried.  
"No... but... It's the lighter he got earlier," Sasuke grimaced.   
"Damn it!" Naruto swore. "Looks like they're ordering now. Another game of hangman?"   
"Sure," Sakura said, finishing her notes.   
  
Eventually the two got up. The three kids excitedly followed them as they walked back to Kabuto's place, ducking behind corners at turns and keeping their footsteps as silent as they could.   
"I can't believe you were right," Sakura said quietly.   
"I can," Naruto boasted. "I mean, I'm almost always righ- OH MY GOD! They put their arms around each other's backs! That means it's serious!"  
"Holy crow...." Sasuke muttered.   
"Wow..." Sakura observed in amazement. She wrote it down and gestured for Sasuke to take a picture, which he hurriedly did.   
They followed them in silence for another couple minutes, aside from a few small whispers and giggles.   
"Her hand is on his BUTT now!" Sakura pointed out, tapping Sasuke on the shoulder. He took a picture.   
They all snickered, making snarky comments to each other, Sakura writing the funniest down.   
"Oh fuck," Sasuke breathed. Naruto and Sasuke gaped at him.   
"SASUKE?!" Naruto whisper-yelled. "You swore?!"  
"Look!" he said, pointing with his camera. The other two gasped. "They're about to KISS!"  
The woman was leaning down, and Kabuto was leaning towards her when he sighed and pulled away.   
The stranger looked at him in confusion.   
"God damn it..." he mumbled. "You guys," he said louder, "Come out now."   
The three looked at each other with panicked expressions. Sakura shook her head while Sasuke shrugged and Naruto gestured to Kabuto.   
"Yes, you three. _Now,_" he added firmly.   
The three guiltily stepped out from the wall they were hiding behind. "Hi, sensei...." they said meekly.   
"I've felt you guys tailing me the entire day," he said, arms across his chest. "I don't know why, but I figured it'd be too bothersome to try and stop you. But since you clearly don't know when to give people some privacy, I guess I'm scolding you anyways."  
The genin looked at their feet.  
"Just- ugh... Asuma, you don't have to stay for this. I'm sorry our evening was interrupted. I'll try and make it up to you another time," Kabuto said.   
"Wait," Naruto said, as the words registered in his brain. "ASUMA?"  
"EHH?" Sakura and Sasuke gaped.   
"B-Bu- But... We thought you were a l-lady!" Naruto fumbled.   
"Huh?" Asuma said, speaking up for the first time amidst the chaos. "Oh- right! You guys have never seen me without my beard. I messed up while shaving so I just got rid of the whole thing. And the hair must've thrown you off too, huh? I just wanted to grow it out a little, heh." He chuckled. "Anyways, this is super awkward, so... I'm gonna. Go. Uh, bye." And in a burst of smoke, he was gone.   
Kabuto sighed again. "Who wants to explain?"  
Sakura and Sasuke looked at each other, and then both looked at Naruto.   
"Why me!?" he asked indignantly when he realized they were looking at him. "It was Sakura's idea!"   
"Yeah, but you're the one who started the whole thing," she stated pointedly.   
"Fine..." he grumbled. "Well... I thought you had a girlfriend. And we wanted to find out. Cause we thought it'd be fun. And it was."   
"Let's walk the rest of the way to my house, and on the way you can tell me why in the world you thought I had a girlfriend." Kabuto inhaled deeply.   
Naruto took a deep breath. "Well..."  
  
Kabuto took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose as he sat down on the couch. "So, you thought I had a girlfriend because I bought sports bras and tampons."  
"Well, then you got dressed up and it looked a lot like a date!" Naruto defended.   
"Okay," Kabuto put his glasses back on. "Here's the deal: I'm trans. The sports bras and tampons were for me. The tylenol was also for me, because this is the shit that gives me headaches, and you three make me deal with it constantly."  
His students just looked at him.   
"Also for cramps," he added.   
"Wait..." Sasuke said slowly. "Trans? That's where people think you're one gender but you're actually another?"  
"Surprisingly, that's a really good explanation of it," Kabuto agreed.   
A sniffle made him look at Sakura and Naruto. Naruto was trying to stifle sobs as tears poured from his eyes and Sakura's eyes were watering like mad. "Oh god, what's wrong? Did I do something bad? I still don't know how to deal with kids. Is it because I said shit? I'm sorry-"  
"No, no," Naruto sniffed through sobs. "'s just... I'm trans too! An' it's nice to know there's people like me, yknow?"  
Sakura had started to cry too. "I HAD NO IDEA!" she wailed. "I'M ALSO TRANS! I- I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH!" She pulled the four of them into a group hug.   
"Oh lord..." Kabuto said, sniffling. "N- now I'm crying... Um..." he patted their backs cautiously. "There, there."  
"Um, I love you guys too," Sasuke said, eyes also watering a bit. "I don't know a lot about being trans, but, you guys are my best friends."  
"Guh..." Sakura wiped her eyes as she pulled away from the group hug. The other three quickly followed suit. "I'm sorry.... but I'm just..."  
"It's fine," Kabuto reassures. "I get it."  
Naruto nodded, still sniffling and wiping his nose.   
"Oh, and uh, the reason it looked like I was on a date is cause I was," Kabuto added. "I'm gay, since I guess we're sharing."  
Shaky smiles slowly grew over the three genins' faces.   
"M-me too," Sasuke offered.   
"I am too," Naruto said.   
"I'm gay as well," Sakura grinned.   
"Well, despite the fact you stalked me for a day, this has turned out to be a lovely bonding experience," Kabuto clapped his hands together. "But it's real late, so, you guys should probably be getting home... But it's pretty dark out... um... Do you guys wanna stay here?"  
His team cheered. "Sleepover!" they shouted. He sighed, but a small smile was on his face.   
"So..." Sakura smirked, glancing at Naruto and Sasuke before looking at Kabuto. "You and Asuma, huh? You like his big strong muscles?"  
"I changed my mind. I'm throwing you all out. Run into a gang for all I care."  
The kids just laughed.   
  
Later, as Kabuto laid in bed, kids fast asleep on the couches, an expression of grim horror crossed his face.   
"Dear lord," he whispered. "I'm an awful role model."


End file.
